The last six weeks or so have been … a rollercoaster is a poor analogy, but the best I can do. I suppose a lot of people think I’ve been flung off right now.
- I published my second book
- Things are going great with the book – the first book in the series got into a box set which looks like it might actually get to the NYT best seller list! One of the things on my DMP which looks like it’s coming three years before I asked for it to happen. 🙂
- My husband’s untreated medical problem got worse and worse and he ended up in the hospital
- He refused to go into rehab even though all the doctors told him that’s what he needed to do
- I don’t even want to talk about my marriage right now
- But my kids are doing much better, especially my older son, who’s had serious medical problems of his own for the past few years
- I’m in the process of writing book 3 and it’s going extremely well
- I decided after two weeks of considering the matter to resign as a guide (probably why people are all of a sudden reading this)
Why I decided to resign as a guide is way more complex than people have made it out to be, but it’s something which began back when I was approached to become a guide again (I was a guide last year).
Being a guide last year wasn’t a pleasant experience for me, for a lot of reasons, and I was hesitant to do it again. I’m learning that hesitation is a signal for me. I got a lot of signals not to do it, but I did it anyway for bad reasons and it was a mistake. Not because of my tribe (who have been awesome) or my intern (who has grown immensely this year). That part of being a guide has been almost entirely positive.
I’m not going to detail my reasons online, because I feel that would be wrong to do so, but it’s been a long time coming, and the events just before and after I announced I was resigning have only confirmed I’m making the right decision. Yet I realize it’s caused some unhappiness and even anger, and I want to publicly apologize for my part in that. I hope you can find peace.
Who or what is the Universal Mind? That has become a matter of contention which I feel is important enough to discuss here. What is our subby? If, as Haanel says, the subby is a channel, the connecting link through which the Universal Mind works (Part 1, paragraph 22; part 14, paragraph 22), a part of the Universal Mind itself (Part 3, paragraph 25), and the Universal Mind is the one who provides the “ways and means” (Part 10, paragraph 15), should we not listen to the urgings of our hearts?
What is the value of our own intuition otherwise? If this isn’t subby speaking (as some claim), then who is it? Haanel says that the Universal Mind has infinite power and infinite wisdom (Part 13, paragraph 26) – it seems arrogant to refuse to listen when it speaks. Or are Og’s words “I will only pray for guidance” irrelevant? Why pray for guidance at all if the Universal Mind is just a giant computer to which we give commands?
Consider part 18, paragraphs 7-9:
7. And this mind is the indwelling and ultimate. It is imminent in matter as in spirit.
It is the sustaining, energizing, all-pervading Spirit of the universe.
8. Every living thing must be sustained by this omnipotent Intelligence and we find
the difference in individual lives to be largely measured by the degree of this intel-
ligence, which they manifest. It is greater intelligence that places the animal in a
higher scale of being than the plant, the man higher than the animal, and we find
that this increased intelligence is again indicated by the power of the individual
to control modes of action and thus to consciously adjust himself to his environ-
9. It is this adjustment that occupies the attention of the greatest minds, and this
adjustment consists in nothing else than the recognition of an existing order in the
universal mind, for it is well known that this mind will obey us precisely in propor-
tion as we first obey it. (emphasis mine)
So anyway, you’re certainly welcome to form your own opinions on the matter. Each of us has our own role to play in whatever the Universal Mind desires to manifest in us, and I believe that it’s only in becoming attuned to that desire that we’ll discover who and what each of us really is. What truly is the thing we each are here to do.
I’m still trying to figure it out for myself.