Master Keys

Week 3: musings, and a mini-rant

I’ve been having a LOT of anxiety the past few days.

I almost laughed when I read this week’s lesson, which seems to focus right in on fear.

I’ll take that as a sign that all this is normal.

One of the things I have been anxious about (as you know if you’ve actually been reading this) is the pay it forward part of the course.

Don’t get me wrong — it’s one of the most humbling things to know that total strangers paid my way into this, and I WANT very much to contribute.

It’s just that I started a new business about this time last year and well you know how new businesses can get. I’m about two grand in the hole right now with this one, and seeing as I vowed NOT to use any more of my dear husband’s money on my businesses (after a spectacular debacle back in the early 2000’s), the thought of yet another thing to pay for was stressing me out.

But somewhere in there I must have been telling subby I NEED MORE MONEY RIGHT NOW, because lo, and behold! the other day one of my stocks (that had been doing very well indeed) hit its stop loss, and I made $775 in one day! 🙂

Thanks, subby!

One of the great things about this course is the “alliances” which so far is a sort of jumbled up forum where people ask questions, make comments, and sort of talk to each other.

A lot of times, because it’s not really organized in any way, it ends up being a lot of the same comments and questions over and over. But it’s pretty fun, and helpful, as there’s always someone on there if you have something to say or need help with something.

Anyway, I made a comment about something (well, it was more of a complaint/grumble/vent) and one of the staff thanked me for being so honest. It’s the second time on these forums that someone has said that.

But this time, it’s stuck with me.

I guess almost dying will do that to you??

(I’m serious, I did come way too close to being dead back in 1998. Like actually in the ground dead.)

(here comes the mini-rant)

I have had a big case of WTF’ing F?? going on today.

Do they have a problem with people not being honest??

It seems to me that if you’re not going to at least TRY to be honest with this then why are you freaking here? Why take a spot that someone used THEIR money TO PAY YOUR WAY FOR, that could have GONE TO SOMEONE ELSE, if you’re not serious about this?

I mean really. I may be a totally messed up crazy woman in the eyes of the world, but I am DEAD SERIOUS about getting well and changing my life. And if that means doing my best to be balls-out honest with total strangers on the internet then so be it.

Be honest or go home. Or as they say, if you can’t run with the big dogs, stay on the porch.

Love you guys.

Have a great day.

Week 2: some insights (part 2)

So if you remember we were talking about the subconscious (or “subby”) and how it’s like if a four year old had the mind of a supercomputer. Innocent, trusting, lightning fast brainpower, and totally dedicated to being helpful, your subby looks to you for guidance as to what to do and takes you absolutely LITERALLY.

Say to subby “why do I always do that?” and subby will not only provide all the reasons you do that (because, after all, you asked), but will also make sure you continue to do that, because you said you always did that!

See how what you say and think might be important?

But it goes deeper than this. Subby also doesn’t understand sarcasm or negatives (don’t smoke = smoke), and can’t reason the way the conscious mind does. When presented with two thoughts that we would think are contradictory (my liver is shot, but I love to drink), it can’t make the leap to understand that the liver is shot because of the drinking. You love to drink so subby helps you drink!

This is why people make decisions that we think are so obviously stupid — they may think they want one thing (consciously) but what they have communicated to their subby is just the opposite.

The things you and the rest of the world from the time you were born have told the subby (which accepts everything as true) are all there for subby to access. This is your “blueprint” which subby uses to keep you alive. If all your mom ever said to you when you were a kid was “rich people are stupid and greedy” then no matter how hard you work you’ll never get rich, because not only does subby think that becoming rich will make you stupid and greedy, but subby doesn’t want to disappoint your mom!

(This, by the way, is why extremely hard-working people blow their money the minute they get any, or why most lottery winners end up worse off and unhappier than they were before they won. Their blueprints simply won’t allow them to become rich.)

Since subby is who makes your decisions, which leads to your thoughts, which directs your actions, which makes your environment, you could make the case that subby is who created all the stuff (good and bad) that’s going on for you right now.

I understand that some people have a HUGE problem with that idea. It’s okay. Don’t get sidetracked by the thought that me or Haanel or anyone else is blaming you for stuff other people did to you. This is not what that means. My take on that is that bad things are a combination of your subby and someone else’s subby colliding, and that yours got the raw end of the deal.

There is good news, though — the good news is that you can rewrite the blueprint that subby is working from! That is what this course seems to be about so far — helping us to create great positive blueprints that will get us what we really want instead of the crap blueprints we were programmed with growing up.

But here’s where it really gets wild.

I haven’t quite wrapped my head around this yet. It sounds crazy even to me.

The Master Keys says that there is one Universal Mind. There seem to be a lot of synonyms for this:

  • Infinite Wisdom
  • Infinite Power
  • Infinite Supply
  • Universal Fountain

According to this, each person’s subby is a part of this Mind, but “lesser in degree”. If you know anything about fractals, this is sort of how I picture it — each part is the same as the big picture, just smaller.

This Universal Mind — according to Haanel — is the “life principle” of all the atoms in the universe, and describes it as “plastic mind substance” which is “seeking purpose(!)”, just waiting to be formed into what the conscious mind directs it to be formed into.

This is the “Law of Attraction” — that thought creates reality. Because since subby will do anything to please you, if you tell subby to, it will literally move mountains for you by tapping into the Universal Mind.

I feel as if I’m training to become a Jedi. 🙂

Week 2: some insights (part 1)

This week has been for me the continuation of learning about my patterns, but more importantly about my mind and body and how little control I actually have had of it. (which is slowly improving with our daily “sits”)

A bit of background: during the past two weeks, we’ve been studying the conscious, the subconscious, and the connection between the two, and (being by trade and heritage a teacher) I thought I might share with you what I’ve been learning.

I have this diagram which so far has taken up a whole legal size sheet of paper, but it might be more helpful to first talk about the specifics.

So, we pretty much all can relate to our conscious mind, right? We think thoughts in the brain, which sends messages to the central nervous system so we can speak and move around and do things. In return, our sensory organs tell us what’s going on around us.

We figure out things with our conscious mind like change for a five, or how to get to a new store, or whether to swat that fly that keeps bothering you with your hand or the fly swatter.

But did you know that your conscious mind is actually only a small part of your overall thinking (and more importantly, decision-making) process? This is why you do things and say things that you have no idea where that came from, or you can’t seem to kick that habit that you KNOW you should stop doing.

What’s really in control of things is your subconscious mind. Don’t believe me? There have been studies (which, actually, my son told me about before I even knew about this class) where they scanned people’s brains as they were making decisions, looking at where in the brain decisions were coming from, and they learned that decisions are made before the person knew with their conscious mind that they had decided!

One thing we learned in this course also is that there are about 2000 connections a second made by the conscious mind, whereas there are over 4 BILLION connections a second made by the subconscious mind. About as close to instantaneous thought as you’re going to get.

So the subconscious mind (or “subby” as we call it) seems pretty darn important.

What all does subby do? Pretty much everything —

  • it runs our bodies (so, for example, our hearts don’t stop beating when the conscious mind falls asleep) by way of the sympathetic nervous system
  • its main job is your survival
  • it does all the things we do automatically (such as driving the car when we’re having an argument with our spouse on the freeway, or running on the treadmill while watching a really great TV show) — in other words, your habits
  • it holds our memories and provides them when needed
  • it also holds all humanity’s best desires: altruism, protection of the young and helpless, inspiration, imagination, and spirituality

If you think of a four year old autistic savant, you are pretty close to the truth. If you’re not sure what a savant is, watch the movie Rain Man. Dustin Hoffman is amazing in that role.

If you’ve never been around little children, go find a friend with some to hang out with. Children believe that everything is for them and about them. They take everything you say literally. They are amazingly helpful and they WANT to learn as much as they can.

That is what your subby is like.

This “inner child”, with its almost instantaneous computational capacity, makes us who we really are.

The reason I keep referring to subby as a child is so you will understand the real role of the conscious mind: the “watchman at the gate”. Subby, like a little child, believes everything it sees and hears, including what you think, and not only takes those things literally but as COMMANDS and INSTRUCTIONS as to what to do!

If you keep telling yourself that you’re a loser, subby will make you into a loser. If you listen to bad news all day, subby will be fearfully trying to figure out how to get you to survive this — even when this situation is ten thousand miles away!

A panicked, enraged, or otherwise out of control subconscious mind is one of the most dangerous things in the universe, in my view, and leads to things such as people getting trampled, mob violence, genocide, and the like.

I am extremely grateful for finding this course so I can get the practical help to be able to control my conscious mind so I can give the proper direction to my subconscious.

But the situation is much bigger than just my or your own personal life, and this is where your mind will be well and truly blown. More on that later. 😉

Week 1 – patterns

Others might have different views on this, but I feel that this first week is about beginning to recognize the patterns that we’ve created in our lives.

There are of course good patterns and bad ones, but it would be safe to say that if someone was completely happy with their lives they wouldn’t be in a course like this, and if you’re not doing what works for you, you’ve probably got at least one bad pattern going.

So … about patterns, in particular mine.

This is where things get tricky. What do I share? How much? I feel like my about page bordered on over-sharing, as I’m a pretty private person, especially when it comes to my health issues.

But I guess if I’m going to write about this stuff I might as well write.

I feel as if these are some of the patterns I’ve noticed:

  • attention seeking — seeking attention is one of the driving forces in life so this isn’t too surprising, but mine has been for things such as complaints, illness, and so on. One insight I’ve gained is that I was pretty harshly treated as a child for succeeding — by other students — so I find it difficult to talk about my successes. Not a good thing when, it seems, words are so important.
  • manipulation — this is more in my private life, and I could go into a lot of gory detail, but the end result is that I get people to let me off the hook for things instead of holding me to a high standard. And since our mantra seems to have become “I always keep my promises”, this pattern became pretty glaring this week.

Which leads me to an issue which has bothered me for a while: I have felt untrusted and unlikable. Well, duh! Ya think? Complaining and manipulation doesn’t seem too trustworthy or likable to me either. Seems like something which in retrospect should be no surprise, was.

The other thing that has occurred to me is that patterns operate under the Heisenburg principle: the act of observing them causes aspects of them to change. Which is great! 😀

I feel as if I learned a ton this week so far, and we’ve got a couple days to go.

Week 1: in which I fight a battle

So things have been going pretty well. We had our first real webinar, and after a bit of thought I wrote down what I want in life and sent it to be evaluated (then of course immediately thought of more stuff but that’s ok), and I’m still doing the readings and the exercises and all.

Today shit just got real.

You know I have had trouble with the darn sitting still for 15 minutes. Well, yesterday, I was feeling annoyed with myself because I kept swallowing! That did not seem as if it was following the spirit (or even the letter) of the whole thing, so today I was determined that I was not going to move other than to breathe for the 15 minutes.

Try 1: 8 minutes

Try 2: not even one whole minute before I swallowed! Grr, that made me mad.

Try 3: this was better, 9 minutes without swallowing. But it was clear that this was bringing up a lot of not. good. stuff. in the ol’ psyche.

I was able to do this on try 4, but not without a lot of appeals to the universe (or whoever was out there), telling myself to relax, that it was okay, Ze Frank’s “just breathe” mantra, bordering on anxiety attacks and everything else … and just when I was sure I was going fail and to have to do this a fifth time, the timer went off.


While I’m not enjoying this very much, the fact that I didn’t give up and just say “that was good enough” feels like a small victory. 🙂


Week 1 – intro

While it is week 1, we haven’t had our webinar yet (which is tomorrow) so I don’t feel as if this has really started. There was a bit of an introductory video and things to download and work on, mostly reading, but we also had to sit for 15 minutes.

Now this isn’t totally unfamiliar to me, having read Meeting Faith (which is the memoir of an American woman who becomes a Buddhist nun), which talks quite a lot about her experiences with meditation. But I found just sitting for 15 minutes difficult. It sounds silly but it really was hard. I was bored, I was worried someone would need something, I felt as if I was going to sneeze, my back hurt.

(I can see now why people who do this all the time – yogis and such – have such nice posture. Otherwise it does hurt to sit still like that if you just slouch.)

We’re also supposed to figure out what we really want and write it down. The webinar tomorrow is supposed to explain this more.

Watching the webinar replay …

I’m so glad I am watching this … a lot of my biggest worries (I have literally no money to do the “pay it forward” thing — I’m not just saying this, I am serious — and I think my husband was worrying about this too – like “how much is this going to cost me now?”) was put to rest … this is one reason why I have refused to use any of his money for my businesses anymore. He has supported me so much through all this, and I don’t want to cause him any more anxiety.

I got into business to give us a plan B so he would never have to have any worry about his retirement — and used most of my 401k money trying to make this work on so many fronts (not just any one thing — like Edison, I feel as if I’ve tried a zillion things which haven’t worked) and feeling stymied at many turns.

Which is why I’ve come to the conclusion that the issue is me, a motivation for doing this program in the first place.


Typical for me, I haven’t even started this yet and I’m worrying about it.

Like what if I fail at this? I have a rather serious condition which causes memory issues. What if I forget to do the work and I get kicked out, after everything? That would be the perfect way for me to sabotage myself yet again.

My husband’s concerns are more along the lines of wondering if this is some sort of elaborate scam. (I have been scammed before by programs which promised yet didn’t deliver, so it’s not a unworthy fear)

But one thing I appreciate about him is that he never says “you can’t do this”. 🙂

Just the fact that I’m trying something new makes me feel like it’s worth it. I’ve been stuck in woe-is-me land for a while now and stopping the insanity of doing the same thing over and over and getting no results is refreshing, and has got me doing a few other new things unrelated to this program, which is promising overall.