Letting go can (I suppose) be good or bad, depending on your point of view. Maybe I just need to not have an opinion on it altogether.
This has been one of those weeks where you want to chuck it all and do something else.
You ever have weeks like that?
In some ways, that dissatisfaction with the way things are is good – it’s a sign that you’re ready to make a serious shift in your life. But until the shift happens, it’s sort of uncomfortable.
Even now, I’ve been going over my old blog posts, trying to figure out how to make sense of some of the things which are going on in my life right now. Trying to figure out what to write today. And all I can think of is letting go.
But what do I let go of? That’s the question which has dogged me. How do you know what to let go of and what to keep? When to do what you’ve said you’ll do and when to let it go as a bad decision and take the consequences?
I had one such decision to make this week.
Months ago I felt weird about doing something, but it seemed like a good financial decision, so I laid the plans for it even though I didn’t feel enthusiastic about it.
But some extremely serious things have happened – unrelated to myself – which made me have to take a moral stand around the matter, and it’s been keeping me up at night for the past few weeks.
I felt torn between financial needs and moral obligations, desire to help and rage at even being anywhere near the place I said I would be, and a voice waking me up every morning telling me not to do this thing I said I would do.
I had no idea why these strong feelings came to me around this issue. Objectively, it wasn’t all that big of a deal. But it bothered me immensely. Was I using this as an excuse, failing to break through my comfort zone? Or was I in danger of ignoring the strong direction of my intuition?
So I did a bit of a sit. How did it feel to not do this? How did it feel to do this?
And I followed my heart. Which was telling me not to do this.
All of a sudden, when I became serious about letting go, I knew exactly why I needed not to do this (personal/family reason) and it all made sense.
It was so strange – if I listened to my inner guidance months ago, had realized letting go was the right thing to do weeks ago, I would have saved a ton of money, time, and angst. Why didn’t I listen?
I feel as though I have held on to some weird part of my old blueprint which still is trying to run things.
It’s difficult to explain, especially to those of you who’ve never taken this course. But I’m seeing implications running through everything. Areas where I’ve ignored clear signs and direction as to what to do because I had invested in something which could not serve me or my family and was unwilling to admit I’d been wrong.
What does this have to do with the Master Key Experience? Well, everything. I would never have been able to sort through this and come to the point of letting go without the help of this course. I certainly wouldn’t have been able to see what the problem was or how to solve it. So I feel very grateful. I feel as if this is a new direction for me.
I ran across something earlier today which had me in tears:
At times you may find yourself between worlds, unsure about anything, with no idea what is being asked of you. It is clear some sort of death has occurred and that things will never be the same again.
But where is the rebirth? The new life purpose? The promised healing, intimacy, clarity, and joy?
Nothing has yet emerged from the womb of Now. No direction for the journey ahead. Or so it seems.
While the uncertainty can be disorienting, in another sense you are home. In this realm, terror and exhilaration co-arise and weave in and out of one another. They appear as they are – energies of aliveness, filled with information for the journey ahead. But the data they carry is holy, and not always navigable by the density of the mind.
The alternating waves of hope and hopelessness, appearing and dissolving in a vast field of holding. In this environment, even fear is seen as an emissary, a special tour guide into the hidden places of the sacred world.
Yes, the longing can be excruciating at times… for healing, for transcendence, for understanding, for some magical “other” to come and remind you of how majestic you truly are. There is a cosmic ache for clarity, for ground, and for some resolution to all the contradictions. A yearning for just a moment of rest and respite from the raging, full-spectrum relentlessness of the unknown.
Perhaps the greatest act of kindness and surrender now is to turn toward the death and the reorganization. To stay embodied to the “falling apart,” and discover if you were ever “together” to begin with. For what you are is beyond all this.
You are the warm erupting luminous space in which “together” and “apart” are lovers, dancing together into eternity, spinning with one another so that the unprecedented majesty of what you are can finally break through and find safe passage here into a world that has gone a bit mad.
Right in between the death and the rebirth is the secret place. Stay there and listen. And feel the waves of sweet and fierce love, as they descend and wash through. – Matt Licata
Be well. 🙂