Only guidance

I only pray for guidance – Og Mandino

The past few weeks in the news have been horrifying in ways I can’t even describe, even if I were brave enough to. For the people involved and their families, it’s tragic, infuriating.

I only pray for guidance.

I have light skin and code (to most people) as “white”. What should I do? Is there anything I can do? Would the things I want to do, to say, just make things worse?

I only pray for guidance.

I do not identify as a skin color. My heritage is Creole. My family looks like the people who have died the past two weeks, on both sides of the issue. I fear for the lives of my family, that a person filled with hate may look at their skin color and decide they should die.

I only pray for guidance.

I have had my own run-in with a police officer, who took away so much, merely because they could. He knew he would never be caught or tried or even accused, because he had a badge and a gun and was male and had the might of the entire world behind him, and I was a teenage girl. It was over 30 years ago and I am still afraid when I see a police car behind me. The man who did that got a pension and a long life and died “a hero” simply because he wore a uniform.

I only pray for guidance.

I understand the hate. I understand the fear. It brings me back to those days as a small child after the Civil Rights Movement, forced busing, the gangs of kids attacking others who didn’t look like them because their parents told them those people had ruined everything, caused every problem. Those kids are grown now, and so are their victims, and they both HATE. So they tell their children, and their grandchildren, to beware of those people that don’t look like them, to hate them, to fear them, to stand up for their rights to not be afraid by the use of weapons, because that’s what we as a country value above all things.

I only pray for guidance. Because everything else is up to me.

I never pray for the material things of the world. I am not calling to a servant to bring me food. I am not ordering an innkeeper to provide me with room. I never seek delivery of gold, love, good health, petty victories, fame, success, or happiness. I only pray for guidance, that I may be shown the way to acquire these things, and my prayer is always answered.

I don’t have anything inspiring to say.