Tag Archive: rewards

Week 7: a breakthrough

I wrote this in the “Insights” section of the MKMMA forums just now:

I had a major breakthrough today while sitting. I have had a lot of trouble visualizing what I wanted, and not been able to FEEL what it might be like until today.

I tried picturing a couple I have just recently become acquainted with, we were where we last hung out together, at an outdoor concert, and I imagined the wife asking me what going to Hawaii was like. Suddenly I could picture it all — my toes in the sand around a fire, seeing the ocean, getting to hug Mark J and Davene and all of you. It was overwhelming and I had to stop the timer a couple times because tears of happiness just came out so much.

I was able to visualize seeing my friends’ son graduate (he’s at Chaminade, which is why I was going to Hawaii in the first place), but then also to visualize publishing my novel, getting on the NYT best seller list, and other travels. I was even able to visualize going through the TSA line (which has been a phobia) and giving Avon books to the workers and them being happy and joyful about it!

I can’t tell you how overwhelmingly grateful I am for this course. If you are struggling PLEASE DO NOT GIVE UP. I know you probably by this time feel negative coming here and seeing others succeed where you haven’t yet because that’s how I felt. But it will happen and it will be SO worth it. 🙂

Which is exactly how I feel (and more). I cried for about ten minutes after I wrote that, but they were totally tears of happiness and gratitude.

Something has happened inside me, and whatever it is, it’s a great thing.

Week 5: your inheritance

Suppose that you were adopted or for some other reason didn’t know your heritage, and you always wanted to run.

But you never did, because you didn’t want to look silly, or work always got in the way, or you felt lazy that day. But you kept feeling like you should run, and everyone you met said you looked like you would be a good runner, and when you did run it made you feel really great, like this was what you were meant to be doing!

But of course other things always prevented you from doing this, and no one else was running, so you didn’t want to stand out, and you had bills to pay, and when you were an old, old person, dying in a wheelchair, you learned that you came from a family of Olympic runners, stretching back as far as the Olympic records were kept.

And you realized that you had wasted your life doing other things that you didn’t even like that much, being like everyone else, when what you had been born to do was run.

That is sort of like what Haanel talks about in part 5, how we limit ourselves by not using the power that we were born with, our inheritance, simply because we don’t know we have it and never listen to that part of ourselves which is telling you what your true power is.

I love this section:

There is a fine estate awaiting a claimant. Its broad acres, with abundant crops, running water and fine timber, stretch away as far as the eye can see. There is a mansion, spacious and cheerful, with rare pictures, a well-stocked library, rich hangings, and every comfort and luxury. All the heir has to do it so assert his heirship, take possession, and use the property. He must use it; he must not let it decay; for use is the condition on which he holds it. To neglect it is to lose possession.

He later explains that like an athlete who has to use his strength in order to get more, a financier who must use his money in order to make more, a business that must use its inventory to get the money to buy more, we must give and use the power we have in order to get the power and resources we need.

First you have to know what power you do have, though, and it seems to me that this is what these past few weeks have been about — figuring out what truly excites us, what we need deep down in our hearts to be happy, what we want our futures to be like. I have found this to be really difficult, because I’m not used to doing this. All my life it seems like I’ve been trying to either fit in or do for others, rather than to sit and think about what do I want?

It seems as if others are having trouble with this too, if the posts in our forums give any indication.

They never said it would be easy. But it certainly seems to be worth it. 🙂

Week 3: musings, and a mini-rant

I’ve been having a LOT of anxiety the past few days.

I almost laughed when I read this week’s lesson, which seems to focus right in on fear.

I’ll take that as a sign that all this is normal.

One of the things I have been anxious about (as you know if you’ve actually been reading this) is the pay it forward part of the course.

Don’t get me wrong — it’s one of the most humbling things to know that total strangers paid my way into this, and I WANT very much to contribute.

It’s just that I started a new business about this time last year and well you know how new businesses can get. I’m about two grand in the hole right now with this one, and seeing as I vowed NOT to use any more of my dear husband’s money on my businesses (after a spectacular debacle back in the early 2000’s), the thought of yet another thing to pay for was stressing me out.

But somewhere in there I must have been telling subby I NEED MORE MONEY RIGHT NOW, because lo, and behold! the other day one of my stocks (that had been doing very well indeed) hit its stop loss, and I made $775 in one day! 🙂

Thanks, subby!

One of the great things about this course is the “alliances” which so far is a sort of jumbled up forum where people ask questions, make comments, and sort of talk to each other.

A lot of times, because it’s not really organized in any way, it ends up being a lot of the same comments and questions over and over. But it’s pretty fun, and helpful, as there’s always someone on there if you have something to say or need help with something.

Anyway, I made a comment about something (well, it was more of a complaint/grumble/vent) and one of the staff thanked me for being so honest. It’s the second time on these forums that someone has said that.

But this time, it’s stuck with me.

I guess almost dying will do that to you??

(I’m serious, I did come way too close to being dead back in 1998. Like actually in the ground dead.)

(here comes the mini-rant)

I have had a big case of WTF’ing F?? going on today.

Do they have a problem with people not being honest??

It seems to me that if you’re not going to at least TRY to be honest with this then why are you freaking here? Why take a spot that someone used THEIR money TO PAY YOUR WAY FOR, that could have GONE TO SOMEONE ELSE, if you’re not serious about this?

I mean really. I may be a totally messed up crazy woman in the eyes of the world, but I am DEAD SERIOUS about getting well and changing my life. And if that means doing my best to be balls-out honest with total strangers on the internet then so be it.

Be honest or go home. Or as they say, if you can’t run with the big dogs, stay on the porch.

Love you guys.

Have a great day.