Tag Archive: what do you want?

Week 19: the universe is calling you

This has been one of the more difficult weeks for me in the course. I’ve felt emotional, anxious, and even have had some physical symptoms come back which I had thought I’d gotten rid of. It’s been very strange.heros_journey4_8462

I think it was last week (or maybe the week before) where Mark started talking about the Hero’s Journey in earnest, but more particularly about the phenomenon of refusing the call.

You see the diagram to your right, and the little guy at the top there? He gets a call (like every story hero does), but at first he refuses it. It’s not convenient, it’s too cold or hot or late or early or would cause him (or her) to get dressed up or get dirty. It’s just not going to happen.

But then, like I mentioned before, something happens, and off you go into your journey.

Something that I find interesting about the talk about refusing the call at this late date is the implication that we haven’t STARTED our Hero’s Journey yet. Which is kind of blowing my mind here, seeing as a lot of really cool things have happened so far.CuypmanipFrodosource-RED

But it occurs to me that there’s a point in time where you pass from what you know to what you don’t know (sort of like Sam Gamgee in the field there with Frodo). If you take one more step, you’ll be so far out of your comfort zone that you’re in the truly unknown, and you can feel it.

You could take that step, or you could refuse the call, turn around, and go home.

I think that this is where I’ve been this week.

You see, I’ve been getting all these signals from the universe over the past couple years or so, which can be summed up beautifully in this one:

10704172_912319372130844_8364997344370110710_nAnd this, as it turns out, is the “threshold guardian” that I’ve had to fight this week (and it was a hell of a fight): Do I value myself or do I not? Am I worth taking steps to assert my right to make a living from my business, or do I retreat and write my passion off as a loss, or do I start giving excuses for why my ALL businesses are not doing well, or at best barely breaking even, like I have done so many times before?

I hadn’t really thought about the whole “threshold guardian” part before I started writing this, so I decided to look the term up just now.

The term “Guardian of the Threshold”, often called “dweller on the threshold” indicates a spectral image which is supposed to manifest itself as soon as “the student of the spirit ascends upon the path into the higher worlds of knowledge”… The Guardian of the Threshold is a spectral figure and is the abstract of the debit and credit book of the individual. “It is the combined evil influence that is the result of the wicked thoughts and acts of the age in which any one may live, and it assumes to each student a definite shape at each appearance, being always either of one sort or changing each time” (wikipedia)

A figure or event that tests the resolve of a Hero as he pursues his destiny and/or his goal. The Guardian is not necessarily adversarial, but puts the hero in a position where he must make a decision that reflects a sincere commitment to the task at hand, by providing a threat or bar to progress that the hero must specifically choose to overcome. In simpler terms, the Threshold Guardian exists to make sure the Hero is prepared for his adventure … Whatever form the Guardian and his challenge take, their defeat forces the hero to grow; heroes that are not yet ready for their journey are forced to turn back until they have matured sufficiently to handle the task … A hero may have more than one encounter with Threshold Guardians during his adventure β€” each one tests him and at the same time heralds an escalation of the danger (and consequent reward) the hero faces. (tvtropes, emphasis mine)

Reading this over makes me laugh, because this is exactly how I’ve been feeling.

The universe is calling. I can feel it. You can feel it, if you stop long enough to listen. But before you stands something that you have to overcome, and to you it’s something really truly big yet unavoidable. Once you overcome it, you can step over the threshold into the unknown.

For me, it involved summoning the courage to tell 300+ people that my community was going to a paid membership model, instead of hiding behind some sort of faux nobility and settling for staying broke — because I decided that I do value myself.

For you it will certainly involve something different.

Did I overcome it? I think so. I spent all day yesterday preparing, and I actually enjoyed that part … so I’m thinking that the actual overcoming was somewhere after a talk I had on the phone with my mastermind partner Leanne, where I was in tears about the whole thing. Somewhere in there, I decided what needed to be done.

So I guess I’m in the unknown. It feels sort of fun here. πŸ™‚

Week 18: the only hierarchy that matters

I feel like this week I’m finally starting to understand what’s going on in the course.

I laugh just a bit as I write this because it sound so silly to take a course and in week 18 understand what the hell you’re doing. But it’s true … as we have already discussed, there is a huge difference between knowing facts and understanding them.

Haanel talks about the Universal Mind in part 18, and how each living thing is marked by the degree of its intelligence that they manifest:

It is greater intelligence that places the animal in a higher scale of being that the plant, the man higher than the animal, and we find that this increased intelligence is a gain indicated by the power of the individual to control modes of action and thus to consciously adjust himself to his environment.

It is this adjustment that occupies the attention of the greatest minds, and this adjustment consists in nothing else than the recognition of an existing order in the universal mind, for it is well known that this mind will obey us precisely in proportion as we first obey it.

It is the recognition of Natural Laws that has enabled us to annihilate time and space, to soar in the air and to make iron float, and the greater the degree of intelligence the greater will be our recognition of these Natural Laws and the greater will be the power we can possess.

What I get out of this is: recognition of these laws (and tho the universal mind) leads to obedience to them, which leads to power.

At first this struck me as the only hierarchy which makes any sense: the universal mind is clearly greater than we are, so as we recognize that and obey it then we can access the power that it gives us.

Then I thought of an analogy: in every hierarchy, you only have power according to your obedience to the hierarchy itself. If for example you’re a soldier, by yourself you don’t have much power (the US Army’s ads notwithstanding). But if you put yourself into that hierarchy then you have tremendous power at your disposal. Or if you work at McDonald’s, by yourself you aren’t doing much, but you are part of a group feeding more people every day than live in a good-sized country.

For some reason (or perhaps because I wrote about Star Wars last week) I then thought again of good old Luke Skywalker.

Luke was told that if he wanted to be a Jedi, he needs to go to a planet called Dagobah to meet Yoda, who was described as a “great Jedi Master”.

But when he got there, Luke obviously assumed that this “great master” would be tall, big, with strong muscles, and probably human.061

Instead he is accosted by the alien version of a crazy bag lady (flip the gender but that’s basically how Yoda acts).

It’s brilliant on Yoda’s part, because then he gets to see exactly what Luke is like.

Luke almost shoots Yoda, insults him, and then after Yoda invites him to his house and gives him dinner, does nothing but complain.

And ohhhhh the backtracking Luke does when he realizes the person he’s done all this to is the only one who can give him what he’s always wanted in life!

It makes me laugh every time I see that movie.

Luke at first did not recognize this great opportunity he had been given, so instead of honoring and obeying Yoda, he insults and despises him. Until Luke recognized the tremendous power Yoda had access to, and began to obey him instead of insisting on doing everything his own way, Luke couldn’t do anything. But when he did, everything began to change.

But honestly, it wasn’t Yoda who had the power, and he told Luke that. “My power is in the Force,” he said, and it’s a very good analogy.

Haanel goes on to write:

Thought is creative and the principle on which the law is based is sound and legitimate and is inherent in the nature of things; but this creative power does not originate in the individual, but in the universal, which is the source and foundation of all energy and substance; the individual is simply the channel for the distribution of this energy.

Each of us – you, me, everyone – is the individual channel for bringing our thoughts into existence, using the power of the universal mind. What you think about will eventually happen, or something similar.

Do you see now how important your thoughts are?

Do you see that you might need someone to show you how to change them from negative to positive?

What I used was the 7 day mental diet. You can sign up for it at the end of this post.

It has taken me way longer than 7 days to see it, but I can honestly say things have drastically changed between my ears. πŸ™‚

Week 13: knowledge vs certainty (part 2)

I feel as though I sort of left yesterday’s post unfinished, now that I think about it more, and while I was doing my readings I kept mentally adding enough edits that it seemed best to just write a second part and be done with it. πŸ˜‰

Today I’ve been thinking about how our current situations came to be, whether good or bad, prosperous or impoverished, in turmoil or at peace. And one thing which jumped out at me was that we didn’t have to do exercises or say affirmations or make a blueprint or exert any sort of effort in order to get where we are now.

Or did we? What goes running through your brain all day? I submit that those are your affirmations. What do you read about, watch, and talk about? What do you focus on? Those are your exercises. What are you certain of, in times of either stress or celebration? That is your blueprint.

The problem is that we have had this blueprint put on us since we were born by other people: parents, teachers, the TV, movies, songs, the news, and so on. These tell you who you are, what you should be, what you deserve, how much money it’s okay to have, where you can go, what you can do, what you can believe, how you can act, when/where/how it’s okay to eat/have sex/take care of your children, what you should look like — every single inch of your life has been dictated to you by someone else, programmed and conditioned to the point where most people don’t even know who they are anymore.

That is what this course is about: finding out who you are and creating a blueprint that fits you, not one that was put on you by others, who had theirs put on them by others, who had theirs put on them by others, and so on.

And this blueprint of yours (and mine) is so strong that it takes no effort on your part to create huge effects. Just look around you right now — you made what you see! While you might not have physically made it, you (like the architect of the battleship I talked about earlier), set events in motion which brought it to wherever you are right now, either by you physically moving to it (if, for example, you’re sitting in a park or a restaurant right now), or you bought it and took it home. The way you feel when you look at what you’re seeing, the way you view your surroundings and the people around you, everything in your life is made up of what you have been certain of.

Here’s what I see as the problem with the usual way people go about “changing their life”: they make a resolution, or set a goal, and go through all this mental effort to force themselves to do something, but since every effect (even the thing they want to change, say, being overweight, or smoking) has a definite cause, working to change the effect without changing the cause is doomed to fail. They haven’t even done a thing to change the blueprint which says “oh what a big boy Johnny is!” or “smoking makes you cool” or whatever the blueprint is, that jolt of pleasure you get for doing what you do which you know you shouldn’t.

And there’s something else which is even more important, that I have known about for many weeks, but just now really became certain of today:

Mental effort defeats itself — exactly the opposite of physical effort. A relaxed, calm state of mind is the only doorway to progress mentally. Relaxation of thought is the only access to Infinite Intelligence.

This is otherwise known as the Law of Relaxation, and has been stuck up on my wall since … I don’t know, week 3 or so? It makes me laugh to think of how it has been there the whole time.

So everyone all over the world is making “resolutions” right now: using the wrong tools (mental effort) to change effects (not causes), then after a few months, failing, repeatedly training their subby to fail, then next year either giving up (because they are certain they aren’t good enough) or vowing to do even more of this next year, because they are certain that this will work. I mean, that’s what everyone else does!

Not only that, but they are doing something else which Haanel warns against, and which was my problem the other day:

Are we to inform the Omniscient as to the proper channel to be used to materialize our demand? Can the finite advise the Infinite? This is the cause of failure …

As Albert Einstein said, insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

So what is the answer?

The main thing is to create a new blueprint which is stronger and better than the old one ever was, which it will be because it will be in alignment with who you really are. Once this new blueprint is made, doing what you want and getting what you want will be as easy and effortless as doing and getting what you have at present.

Creating and associating pleasure from doing the things which correspond with the life you want (and conversely, pain from doing the things you don’t want) is a big step, and one thing which we’ve learned how to do this week. But of course, Haanel once again emphasizes that “we must put our knowledge into practice” — just as an athlete will never become stronger by reading about lifting weights or running or whatever he or she wants to do, we aren’t going to change our blueprints by reading about how to do it. Not gonna happen.

But must use the right tools. Using woodworking tools to mix concrete, or concrete tools to work with wood, results in destroyed tools and ruined materials both. So how can we make sure we’re going to succeed?

Haanel writes:

We can best conserve our interests by recognizing the Infinite Power and Infinite Wisdom of the Universal Mind, and in this way become a channel whereby the Infinite can bring about the realization of our desire.

In other words, prioritize: put those 2000 connections of your conscious mind to work on figuring out what you want out of life. Exactly what, down to the smallest detail. Let the 4 billion connections of your subby and the infinite power of the Universal Mind work on the how. Spending your 2000 connections worrying about how this is all going to happen just manifests anxiety and fear when you can’t get it to work. This week, I learned this the hard way.

Use the right tools for the job and it becomes much easier. πŸ™‚


Week 11 (footnote): a tale of three carts

I feel as if I’m getting a better grasp of this week’s meditation topic, and I wanted to share a few last things before the week ends and we move on.

After I read part 11 in the Master Keys today, I wrote:

Β Trust in subby

who is a small part of the

Universal Mind

All will be taken care of for you.

Fear blocks the process

so worry is


Nothing good can get to you.

If the Universal Mind

is the Creator

who brings all good

Fear is the


who stops all good

The cloud that hides the sun inside you.

Section 30 of part 11 of the Master Keys says:

You ask in what does the creative power of thought consist? It consists in creating ideas, and these in turn objectify themselves by appropriating, inventing, observing, discerning, discovering, analyzing, ruling, governing, combining, and applying matter and force.

As far as I know, humans are the only living beings who create ideas.

I had conversations with two women this week on different days at different times. These are women I consider friends. Very different women who have chosen different lives, but I spent an hour with each one in very different settings. Perhaps it’s the generation they are in, because that is the only common factor, other than the fact that the whole conversation on their end was full of negativity.

I think I am more sensitive to the feelings of others than most people, or else I’m not all that great at shielding my poor subby yet, because I had a physical reaction each time after hearing these things.. These women had put lives of disease, poverty, fear, and self-destruction into their carts, looking towards futures more limited with every year. It grieves me, because I feel they are worth more than that.

(Yes I suck at not having opinions. Perhaps this is part of my problem.)

I don’t yet have the words or the skills to talk to them about their carts, or even the wisdom to know if I should.

So what am I putting in my cart?

Physical health, specifically: quiet breathing, internal organs and teeth in perfect function and alignment, dark reddish-brown hair, muscles and joints which function perfectly, skin which is smooth and radiant.

Mental and emotional health: peace for my entire self (this is a big one), love, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-respect, perfect boundaries towards others. Courage, confidence, harmony, and intimacy with like-minded people.

A clean home, a lovely edible yard, abundant resources to have financial independence and security, with the ability to travel anywhere I want to in comfort. The joy of creation, using every talent I have to the best of my ability.

I feel as if my cart is looking pretty good so far. πŸ™‚


Week 11: doubt spike

This hasn’t been the best day for me so far in the program.

But it hasn’t been the worst, so I guess it’s okay.

I did, however, have a terrible hour or two of self-doubt this morning at about 4 am — you know, the “who am I to think stuff like this would ever happen to me, I am never going to be good enough, I’m just in a fantasy world if I think I’m going to somehow have any of this happen” sort of time, where you end up bawling because you feel so depressed about the whole thing.

I still feel a bit emotional about it even now, which is 2 hours or so later. But I have my good habits (“the key to all success”) and I have “turned out” the negativity finally, and “all hate is let from my veins, for I have not time to hate, only time to love”, and I’ve decided that this whole thing is my old blueprint trying to have its way with me again, and it’s not going to happen.

But I did examine my DMP and motivations during my sit just now and it’s all being revised today in a major way. I feel like a good bit of my DMP is a steaming pile of bullshit, and so far I’ve boiled off the ick and gotten down to:

  • People like me, “get” me, and value what I do.
  • Wellness, whatever that ends up meaning. The undiscovered country.
  • Joy of creation.
  • Go cool places (like Hawaii, Tahiti … I want to go to space! Virgin Galactic, baby!).
  • Money to do what I want.
  • Kind of halfway thinking of moving out of the US, just not sure where. I have a couple candidates for the position, just need to interview them.

So … no real point to this, but I did want to share it so you see that the roses do have thorns sometimes. But “I welcome obstacles for they are my challenge” πŸ™‚

Week 11: what’s in your cart?

This week, we’re supposed to meditate upon Mark 11:24 —

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

This at first was difficult for me on a few levels, and a few months ago I probably wouldn’t even have wanted to have anything to do with it for several reasons which aren’t pertinent here. This is the first time there’s really been any religious stuff in there that we couldn’t avoid. So before I did the first sit of this week, I sort of struggled with having to spend a week on this.

But something else that was in the Study Questions was helpful:

We are to believe that our desire has already been fulfilled; its accomplishment will then follow.

And while I was sitting, I was thinking about the application of the thought, and I came up with an analogy that you might find helpful.

When you go to the grocery store, for example, you might go to the store and stand at the deli counter and maybe ask for some cole slaw or some sliced cheese, or my favorite, potato wedges. (otherwise known as home fries, basically a potato cut into wedges lengthwise, seasoned, and fried)

Potato wedges! Mmmm πŸ˜€

So you tell the lady that you want a pound of potato wedges, and she starts putting them into a bag to weigh them.

You aren’t eating them, you haven’t paid for them, you don’t have them in your cart, and she doesn’t even have them all in the bag yet, but at this point you feel that they are YOURS. If someone was to go and snatch that bag away from the lady and give it to someone else, you would feel a sense of outrage: how dare you take my potato wedges!

It’s the same way with what you’re asking the Universe for. You don’t in any way actually have possession of what you want yet, but you have laid claim to it just as surely as you did with the potato wedges or with the things you put in your cart at the grocery store.

Something to think about is: what is in your cart?

In other words, what do you believe that you already have, because the Universe is putting it into your bag right now? What do you believe your future is like?

Do you even have a shopping list? Did you ever have one, way back when you were a child?

What was your burning desire, your dream that you would do anything to have?

Where is it now? What happened to your dreams?

Did you give up your dreams because you thought they were going to cost too much, or other people said they would be unrealistic, or you don’t feel you’re good enough to have them — and put some crappy life of poverty and fear into your cart instead?

Something worth thinking about, because you are spending the one life you have on what you have put in that cart of yours, so you might want to make sure it’s something you want. πŸ™‚


Week 5: your inheritance

Suppose that you were adopted or for some other reason didn’t know your heritage, and you always wanted to run.

But you never did, because you didn’t want to look silly, or work always got in the way, or you felt lazy that day. But you kept feeling like you should run, and everyone you met said you looked like you would be a good runner, and when you did run it made you feel really great, like this was what you were meant to be doing!

But of course other things always prevented you from doing this, and no one else was running, so you didn’t want to stand out, and you had bills to pay, and when you were an old, old person, dying in a wheelchair, you learned that you came from a family of Olympic runners, stretching back as far as the Olympic records were kept.

And you realized that you had wasted your life doing other things that you didn’t even like that much, being like everyone else, when what you had been born to do was run.

That is sort of like what Haanel talks about in part 5, how we limit ourselves by not using the power that we were born with, our inheritance, simply because we don’t know we have it and never listen to that part of ourselves which is telling you what your true power is.

I love this section:

There is a fine estate awaiting a claimant. Its broad acres, with abundant crops, running water and fine timber, stretch away as far as the eye can see. There is a mansion, spacious and cheerful, with rare pictures, a well-stocked library, rich hangings, and every comfort and luxury. All the heir has to do it so assert his heirship, take possession, and use the property. He must use it; he must not let it decay; for use is the condition on which he holds it. To neglect it is to lose possession.

He later explains that like an athlete who has to use his strength in order to get more, a financier who must use his money in order to make more, a business that must use its inventory to get the money to buy more, we must give and use the power we have in order to get the power and resources we need.

First you have to know what power you do have, though, and it seems to me that this is what these past few weeks have been about — figuring out what truly excites us, what we need deep down in our hearts to be happy, what we want our futures to be like. I have found this to be really difficult, because I’m not used to doing this. All my life it seems like I’ve been trying to either fit in or do for others, rather than to sit and think about what do I want?

It seems as if others are having trouble with this too, if the posts in our forums give any indication.

They never said it would be easy. But it certainly seems to be worth it. πŸ™‚

Week 1 – intro

While it is week 1, we haven’t had our webinar yet (which is tomorrow) so I don’t feel as if this has really started. There was a bit of an introductory video and things to download and work on, mostly reading, but we also had to sit for 15 minutes.

Now this isn’t totally unfamiliar to me, having read Meeting Faith (which is the memoir of an American woman who becomes a Buddhist nun), which talks quite a lot about her experiences with meditation. But I found just sitting for 15 minutes difficult. It sounds silly but it really was hard. I was bored, I was worried someone would need something, I felt as if I was going to sneeze, my back hurt.

(I can see now why people who do this all the time – yogis and such – have such nice posture. Otherwise it does hurt to sit still like that if you just slouch.)

We’re also supposed to figure out what we really want and write it down. The webinar tomorrow is supposed to explain this more.