Week 1: in which I fight a battle

So things have been going pretty well. We had our first real webinar, and after a bit of thought I wrote down what I want in life and sent it to be evaluated (then of course immediately thought of more stuff but that’s ok), and I’m still doing the readings and the exercises and all.

Today shit just got real.

You know I have had trouble with the darn sitting still for 15 minutes. Well, yesterday, I was feeling annoyed with myself because I kept swallowing! That did not seem as if it was following the spirit (or even the letter) of the whole thing, so today I was determined that I was not going to move other than to breathe for the 15 minutes.

Try 1: 8 minutes

Try 2: not even one whole minute before I swallowed! Grr, that made me mad.

Try 3: this was better, 9 minutes without swallowing. But it was clear that this was bringing up a lot of not. good. stuff. in the ol’ psyche.

I was able to do this on try 4, but not without a lot of appeals to the universe (or whoever was out there), telling myself to relax, that it was okay, Ze Frank’s “just breathe” mantra, bordering on anxiety attacks and everything else … and just when I was sure I was going fail and to have to do this a fifth time, the timer went off.

Whew.

While I’m not enjoying this very much, the fact that I didn’t give up and just say “that was good enough” feels like a small victory. 🙂