Week 1 – patterns

Others might have different views on this, but I feel that this first week is about beginning to recognize the patterns that we’ve created in our lives.

There are of course good patterns and bad ones, but it would be safe to say that if someone was completely happy with their lives they wouldn’t be in a course like this, and if you’re not doing what works for you, you’ve probably got at least one bad pattern going.

So … about patterns, in particular mine.

This is where things get tricky. What do I share? How much? I feel like my about page bordered on over-sharing, as I’m a pretty private person, especially when it comes to my health issues.

But I guess if I’m going to write about this stuff I might as well write.

I feel as if these are some of the patterns I’ve noticed:

  • attention seeking — seeking attention is one of the driving forces in life so this isn’t too surprising, but mine has been for things such as complaints, illness, and so on. One insight I’ve gained is that I was pretty harshly treated as a child for succeeding — by other students — so I find it difficult to talk about my successes. Not a good thing when, it seems, words are so important.
  • manipulation — this is more in my private life, and I could go into a lot of gory detail, but the end result is that I get people to let me off the hook for things instead of holding me to a high standard. And since our mantra seems to have become “I always keep my promises”, this pattern became pretty glaring this week.

Which leads me to an issue which has bothered me for a while: I have felt untrusted and unlikable. Well, duh! Ya think? Complaining and manipulation doesn’t seem too trustworthy or likable to me either. Seems like something which in retrospect should be no surprise, was.

The other thing that has occurred to me is that patterns operate under the Heisenburg principle: the act of observing them causes aspects of them to change. Which is great! 😀

I feel as if I learned a ton this week so far, and we’ve got a couple days to go.